Keep on Coming Through the Door

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

The Cyber House Rules

Ummm…to eBay? Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree.

• I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.
• I’m Santa Claus!
• Leela, Bender, we’re going grave robbing.

Xmas Story

With gusto. Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Fetal stemcells, aren’t those controversial? Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life. And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!

Attack of the Killer App

But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?!

1. Fry, you can’t just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.
2. Meh.
3. If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right.

In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela

Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” Ooh, name it after me! Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!

Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences

Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Hey, tell me something. You’ve got all this money. How come you always dress like you’re doing your laundry? Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! I never loved you.

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Join The Walking Tree in Releasing Their First Full Record

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

Natural Born Kissers

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

• The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
• Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Life on the Fast Lane

Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Selma’s Choice

“Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Rosebud

Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Cape Feare

Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

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8 ice cream facts in honor of National Ice Cream Day

Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter?

Born Free

Watching ice melt. This is fun. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. I’m real proud of you for coming, bro. I know you hate funerals. He taught me a code. To survive.

• I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me.
• Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized.

Take It!

I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone before. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. Like a sloth. I can do that. Cops, another community I’m not part of. I’m really more an apartment person.

Father Knows Best

You all right, Dexter? You all right, Dexter? He taught me a code. To survive. I’m really more an apartment person.

1. Cops, another community I’m not part of.
2. I’m doing mental jumping jacks.
3. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex!
4. I’m really more an apartment person.

Popping Cherry

I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Cops, another community I’m not part of. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. I will not kill my sister. He taught me a code. To survive. I think he’s got a crush on you, Dex! Watching ice melt. This is fun.

An Inconvenient Lie

I’m generally confused most of the time. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. I love Halloween. The one time of year when everyone wears a mask … not just me. I’m really more an apartment person. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter.

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Top 10 care tips for flowers information from bestflowerstore

Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? Tell them I hate them. Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock.

The Honking

Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. I love this planet! I’ve got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring. Actually, that’s still true. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Meh. Yeah, lots of people did.

• Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets!
• Bender, this is Fry’s decision… and he made it wrong. So it’s time for us to interfere in his life.
• WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!
• Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

A Big Piece of Garbage

Who said that? SURE you can die! You want to die?! Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. Robot 1-X, save my friends! And Zoidberg! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.

The Why of Fry

I’m sure those windmills will keep them cool. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I don’t ‘need’ to drink. I can quit anytime I want!

1. THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN!
2. I can explain. It’s very valuable.
3. Eeeee! Now say “nuclear wessels”!
4. Oh God, what have I done?

Parasites Lost

You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! You wouldn’t. Ask anyway! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared…

Anthology of Interest II

With gusto. Our love isn’t any different from yours, except it’s hotter, because I’m involved. Please, Don-Bot… look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file! THE BIG BRAIN AM WINNING AGAIN! I AM THE GREETEST! NOW I AM LEAVING EARTH, FOR NO RAISEN! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.

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Wine 101: Essential Wine Tips and Information

It’s only a model. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.

What… is your quest?

The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! Look, my liege! No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

• The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!
• Shut up! Will you shut up?!
• Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone!

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin

Shut up! Will you shut up?! Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! Shut up! Will you shut up?! Well, I didn’t vote for you. It’s only a model. I have to push the pram a lot.

Blue. No, yel…

Where’d you get the coconuts? And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. What a strange person. Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. You don’t vote for kings.

1. Who’s that then?
2. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one.
3. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!
4. Be quiet!
5. We shall say ‘Ni’ again to you, if you do not appease us.

First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin

Well, I didn’t vote for you. Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! Who’s that then? I’m not a witch. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

Help, help, I’m being repressed!

The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Well, she turned me into a newt. A newt? No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.

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65 Beauty Tips & Tricks Every Woman Needs to Know

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Quis Nostrum

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Is Your Pet Bird A Boy or Girl Find Out Here!

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. 

That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show

D’oh. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Natural Born Kissers

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Save me, Jeebus. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

The Last Temptation of Homer

I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.

Jesus must be spinning in his grave!

We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

1. I was saying “Boo-urns.”
2. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
3. Marge vs. Monorail

Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Human contact: the final frontier. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

Homer the Great

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Homer no function beer well without. Me fail English? That’s unpossible.

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